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Closer
4 · May · 2006
When I was pregnant, in those last weeks I was past my due date and it felt like my life was suspended by some invisible string. Everyone was waiting, watching, listening for a sign that we could all move on to the next phase of our lives. It was the hardest part of my pregnancy, watching everyone else wait when I really felt I was right on schedule.
During that time I kept thinking of this song. Almost every hour it popped into my head. Since then, I've put it on a playlist I created for August.
One Step Closer
I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I own
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing
I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well, the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer drumming
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing
To knowing
Mike and I have had a whilwind year. It was this time last year that we decided to be officially together as a couple. Then, it all snowballed from there into this glorious life we have now. It has been absolutely crazy -no exaggeration. But we both agree that things went exactly perfect in so many ways.
In my life I have usually looked at hard times as something I was "getting through" or "dealing with". Like I couldn't wait for the hard part to be over so that I could relax and move on to better things. But being pregnant and having August was different. I view this as something that was supposed to happen. It was completely out of my hands and yet I just knew I was exactly where I should be and who I should be with. I no longer felt like I was preparing for something, I felt like I was LIVING. I wasn't waiting for my life to get back to normal when I was pregnant - I was living my life right then. And that is how I feel now, like every day I am learning, seeing things more clearly.
As corny as it sounds, I feel like there is some great knowledge out there and I am now learning it. One step, every day. Though it may look like I'm standing still to everyone else, I know I'm not.
My whole life got turned upside down and the contents dumped on the floor. There is no cleaning this up; it's perfect the way it is. All the hard parts are still there. But I am content to live in this moment and be who I am.
I know I owe a lot of that to Mike and August. My family.
Posted by Penny Rene at May 4, 2006 03:56 PM
Comments
Penny, that's beautiful -- and I completely agree. We must be growing up. Moms around the world were right all along. :)
Posted by: Anne Crystal on May 10, 2006 02:41 PM
Penny,
Welcome to motherhood!
Posted by: Angie on May 11, 2006 03:29 AM