Big truck you say... likes his cars... needs three of them... hmmm... Looks like a good place for your toddler to take a green slimy shit. Maybe hand paint a few Big Bird murals. Baby shit is a weapon and in your case it's readily available. Who can get mad at a little kid right? You don't even have to put it on the truck. Just put it on the street where he gets into his truck. He will step in it.

I will tell you right now, I would never park there again after someone put shit on my car.

There is a house down the street from me with a flag out front. I am patriotic and you would think, ok, cool, show some pride with a nice American flag, right? No. This guy has a Bass Pro Shops Flag. Unless you own Bass Pro Shops or your last name is Bass Pro Pro Shops, or Bass Pro Shops is paying you too much money to have there stupid flag in your lawn, then seriously... just don't.

I love it! LOL I can just picture it, evertime you see him pull up.
Penny, what the hell, tell him to park in his drive. The man is self-centered, you do not have to be accepted by everyone just the ones that you care about and I see no reason to care about him.

As you said every neighborhood has one idiot. Maybe you could plant some rose bushes with big thorns VERY CLOSE to the curb where it would scratch the paint on his car or a little poision-ivy. Always had a mad desire to do that, but didn't. You might check and see what the policy for having too many cars and not parking them in your own driveway is, some cities now have regulations that if a car is on your property and does not run you have to get rid ofit and park your car in the driveway of your own propery. Of course you wouldn't want them to know you were checking on it. Some neighbors are just plain out assholes, just like you said. No one is important except them. The regulation I mentioned came about because of narrow streets. Considering you are now official home owners and get to enjoy the same problems that we had/have as homeowners, how is everything else going?

Sounds like the guy that rents the apartment attached to our house. The very first thing he said to Keith when he was signing our lease was "Just make sure I can get in and out of my spot at all times." No hello at all, just that. I say first come, first served. It's a street. No assigned parking there. And just for the record, there is absolutely no way you could ever be the neighborhood asshole.

I have thought of all the vile things I could do to his car or the area around it. But then I realized I would be competing for his title of Neighborhood Asshole. If he keeps snagging that spot in the future, I'll try telling him straight up that it's annoying and inconveniencing me. (In a nice way, I hope)
You'd think he'd get the point when I sit on my front step and stare at his truck because I can't see anything else. Or when I swept the sidewalk dust into the side of his truck. But noooo.

Did I mention he yells at his dog a lot in the manner of "I will kill you!!!". I'm telling you, he's an Asshole.

I'm sure there is some sort of city ordinance he's violating that you could check into and have his truck and/or car towed.

Love the baby poo idea though, and the rose bushes. That is brilliant.

May have to steal the poison ivy idea too. I'm immune so that may come in handy.

I think I've established that I don't mind becoming the neighborhood asshole. Especially if it means I get to dethrone the real prick and reign over my empire of malice with a calm sense of anticipation.

Woe unto you who treads upon my park space, for my wrath is great.

A mutual friend, knowing I was from Jersey, forwarded your BLOG. I hope you don't mind the post from a complete stranger. If somehow I've offended or broken the basic etiquette of blogging, please accept my apology.

As a native New Jersyan growing-up around the Keith's of the world I can assure you he doesn't care about you or the view from your front porch. (I'm sure you know a few of these types). He does however care about his truck as you've documented above. So if reason is out of the question the only alternative is to find a way to make it less desirable for him to park directly in front of your door without creating a relationship that is outwardly adversarial.

I too had a similar issue with a neighbor and can truly appreciate how frustrating it is. For me, it got to the point where my blood would start to boil everytime I saw the truck in front of my house. My wife and I tried a few strategies going so far as to checking the local statute regarding the length of time a car can be parked without moving with the plan of having parking tickets issued if he didn't move the truck for a day or two. Fortunately we didn't have to go there because we were finally able to reason with the owner of the vehicle.

It never hurts to make friends with a local police officer and ask his / her opinion regarding how best to resolve the situation. Some officers don't want to be bothered with this stuff but others will take an interest knowing if it get's out of hand they're going to have to clean-up the mess.

I'd try once again to explain that as his new neighbor you don't appreciate the view and recognizing neither of you has ownership of the street want to find a solution that works for both of you. If that fails, do what many Jersyans do; Always have one of your vehicles parked in that spot so he can't park there. If that's not possible, play whiffle ball, soccer, football, etc on your front lawn regularly and bounce a few off the roof. Do this and it will no longer be a desireable place to park.