In 1999 I was working at a large law firm in Oklahoma City when I decided to start emailing my friends (by their request) some of my work on a regular basis. Those emails became the Milk Memo. The milk memo became various blogs and this blog became my love/hate relationship with my writing.

When I was a girl, I began writing as a source of release. Over the years I filled around thirty journal books with my private thoughts before I entered the mostly fun, but often laborious world of the internet. There are many advantages to both types of writing but at this time in my life I have come to value my privacy, or at least a little anonymity in what I think and feel.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to those loyal readers who have been with me these last eight years. I am happy to say that my hate mail was always far outweighed by the flattery and to the very end new readers joined. It is a strange thing to have fleeting, yet meaningful contact with so many people around the globe. I sometimes feel this medium created a false sense of closeness with old friends and new. At the same time, our conversations have seen me through some of the most difficult times of my life and were it not for the milk memo mailing list, I would not be where I am today. Members of that list have led me to jobs, good advice and even the opportunity to move to San Diego where I met my husband.

As for pennyrene.com, I will leave the blog up for 1 -2 more weeks so that everyone has had a chance to pull off any photos they may want. I'm undecided about when I will remove the Milk Memos from the site. I hope that if you are relatively new to my blog you will take some time to read the old milk memos. Those were the days... (: Meanwhile, everything else come down with the blog. I'll still be hanging around, of course, commenting on various blogs and I'm sure I'll be more available now to answer my personal emails, so please do keep in touch. This isn't a permanent goodbye - just a long sabbatical.

I will also be closing my Myspace account. However, I am hoping my Flickr account will be more active than ever.

Again, thank you for reading. This experience has enriched my life.

Penny

Things I wrote over the years:

I put myself out here and I do it by choice. It’s not all narcissistic and angry. It’s about not giving up the search for the highest truth, even if it means exposing the ugliness of us, of me. I’m not a brilliant writer. I’m not even a brilliant person. But there’s no way I’m giving up, giving in or selling out. See, I’m okay with taking the fall, but I’m not okay with taking a fall for nothing.

I can't claim that I hold the secret
To life or flight or arts of peace and war
But I believe in God and third chances
Cause when you think He's done, there's always more

To look in the mirror and see that the person looking back is no one that you want to have dinner with is a terrible feeling. At the same time, it is wonderful, because then you can begin to tear that person apart and reveal someone so much more interesting that has been suffocating underneath.

Do you remember that old George Burns movie? What was it called? Anyway, this little girl started the campaign “Think God”. Brilliant. And everyone thought she was crazy. I can relate.

you say you don’t mind gays, that some of them are nice
like who is good or bad is your job to decide
yeah i bet you’ve got “some black friends” that you never hang around
just ‘cause they don’t ask you out or live on your side of town

I never have been able to sleep much in moving vehicles, but when you are sleeping on your luggage, for fear it will be stolen out from under you, it puts a whole new perspective on the traveling experience.

Picture this: Two hosts. One sarcastic, culture shocked American female; one jovial, ecstatic British male, and a Romanian “engineer” who had his own mike and an abundance of bad jokes. In the background were 2 other Romanian radio personnel watching French TV. (Translation: porn) I remember so many times during those shows, making myself laugh, thinking “Dear God, I’m a riot! I’m pulling out the lines of my broadcasting career and no one is listening! No one gets it.”

The year was 1983. Ronald Reagan was in the White House and people were talking about nuclear war like it was a scheduled event that we must attend.

Life is so silly, you know. Just when you are sure that you can throw a kicking fit from all the just punishment you’re getting, something brilliant and terrifying happens to you.

I do strongly hold one traditional belief. You can't know where you're going until you know where you've been. And this begs the eternal question. In the words of Devo "How did I get here?"

This is a drawback for people who have many interests. Call us well rounded. Call us experienced. But don't call us on our cell phone at 6 am and expect to talk long.

He has very specific goals for his life and there is little, if any, room for error. An error, if I understand him correctly, would be an emotional connection to a woman. I almost envy him for still believing he is in control of such a thing.

A few years ago I dated a man who was the first person to put my words to music. As a surprise, he sat me down in his studio and strummed his guitar while he sang my lyrics. I looked at his blonde hair, gold rimmed glasses and woodsy features and softly whispered to myself, “Wow. I’m dating John Denver.”

On my visits back home to the Christian Incorporated houses of friends in OKC, I did not mention who I knew from their CD collections and I told my stories of Nashville in first name only - leading people to believe I hung around unemployed dreamers, not working musicians whose images where on posters that crowd teenagers walls as perfect examples of "Cool Christianity".

There is no high like this. I have done nothing else that compares. Everything before this was prep and training for this part of our lives. THIS is what it's all about. We are so happy.

Clever. Am I so? To write the words that everybody knows.
If ever you need a friend, well here you go.