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Irony
23 · Jun · 2006
All the things I said I didn't want in life are what I enjoy now.
I must have thought I would never be this way or that I didn't deserve such a life. Not trying to be spacey here, but really.
When I first moved to California, I had a hideoous job that sucked the life out of me. During my lunch break I would park my car on a neighborhood street and eat my sandwhich just so I wouldn't be at work and I wouldn't be freezing my ass off inside Starbucks alone. I tried to pick streets where there wasn't much traffic. I ate in silence and worried that the people who lived in the cookie cutter houses might think I was casing thier place for a future robbery.
I examined those houses and lawns and literally felt scared - staring into the face of what I feared most - mediocrity.
How could a lawn and a house be so important to anyone? How could someone stay home all day with a baby? I wanted to knock on a few doors. "Hello! Did you know there is a WHOLE WORLD out there entirely different than your own? DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT TODAYS GENOCIDE?"
And now. Now I look at myself in the mirror with wide eyes and ask, Who the hell did you think you were criticising someone else's version of happiness? You weren't even happy!
Mike and I are dreaming of home ownership. I salivate over beautiful lawns that August can attempt to dig a hole to China in. I am disgustingly happy.
Posted by Penny Rene at June 23, 2006 11:24 PM
Comments
Wow! And I remember you have been previously accused of being "arrogant"! Whatever. . .Mucho kudos! Yeah, our own definition of happiness doesn't have to match everyone else's. . . Humbling. . .I must say I do long for a space where I have my own yard and do not hear every move my neighbors above me make. In the meantime, I will be content with my little place until it's time to buy a Big Girl House! In your next blog, please address this for me-- what constitutes happiness for a person? Is there criteria for measuring happiness or is it so subjective that you can't possibly use the same tool on everyone? Have always wondered why some seem to "have it all", yet they seem to be the most restless and unfulfilled. . . More later!
Kimmy
Posted by: Kimmy on June 24, 2006 07:28 AM
Motherhood does crazy things to a person. I remember wanting to travel to exotic places, eat in expensive restaurants, and live in a busy city with a highrise apartment...but today I want a house in a quiet suburb, on a cul-de-sac so my kids can ride their bikes and play football in the street. For me, good schools and low crime are deciding factors in where we should live. I think everyone's version of happiness changes as life happens. Not more grown up just different.
Posted by: Angie on June 26, 2006 02:13 AM
My parents had a crazy, hyper dog once and the vet told them (verbatim) "If you have an uppity bitch, breed her and she'll calm down."
I think about that all the time now, both as something that makes me cringe and as something very true- although also very crude. I'm still uppity, just a little more focused!
For the first time I have found myself wanting a brownstone in the city and a little home in the country to have the best of both worlds.
Which one do I get first? And where's this money tree I keep hearing about?
Posted by: Bree on July 13, 2006 06:00 AM