I miss California. I miss the nice weather. I don't care about all the reasons NJ will be great to me today. Sometimes NJ is not great.

I moved to California for specific reasons too. Reasons that did not disappear even though they were overshadowed by new reasons. Anyway, I am used to going through this when I move to new places. It's culture shock and over time it gets easier.

What I'm not so sure I will be able to do however, is continue being so concerned about everyone else's feelings in my new environment that I am not able to be myself here. I don't even know why I tried. But this person that I am here in NJ - I don't like her. She's a timid little wilting weed who never speaks her mind if it might ruffle the thoughts of anyone near. She makes me sick. She makes me tired.

When did I start living and writing around everyone else's approval?