If you look closely at my "Christian" beliefs, you will see large tears in this blanket of Sunday School lessons, and college papers and personal research. There are "facts" passed on to me from pastors, activists, and family that I have taken a match to and burnt out of the fabric that is draped around my shoulders. In these days when many people are either clinging to a faith that was given to them or searching for a new cause or belief system that will sustain them, I am finding that, though my purpose for my life is quite clear to me, it is not compatible to any particular group.

You see, because I believe I am called by God to open communication between people of all cultures, races, religions and nations, most traditional Christians think I am a Christian called to evangelise the "lost" by becoming a foreign missionary. And because I am an arts advocate and equal human rights activist (read: race, religion, sexual orientation), many other liberal people assume I am ready to march the streets of DC and overthrow our "evil" conservative government.

The end result is that not one "side" of any controversial group can take me in and feel confident that I will make the same observations and decisions that others belonging to such a group would. And, not only that, I cannot in good faith, pledge to support just one religion, or cause.

I am somewhere in between.
Or, if you ask extremists from either spectrum, they will say I am "on the fence" doing no one any good.

I have received many e-mails over the years from readers who assume I believe as they do. And I have been uncomfortable about my bland responses. I am not looking for month long debates and I don't believe it's in anyone's best interest to tell another that his/her values are not valid. To be quite honest, if I were grilled on why I believe the things I do, my most common answer would be "Because I think that's what love is." And my second favourite answer would be "I don't know."

Do I owe anyone an explanation for why I worship God? Should I feel obliged to explain why I will not tolerate modern discrimination against gays, religion, women, and new Americans? Is it my duty to tell anyone my theory on how to better the American government? Should it really matter to you if I own a handgun? Some of you will say Yes and some say No. Me, I don't really know.

Let me tell you what I do support and will adamantly defend all the days ahead.
Love. Acts of love.

Maybe that is too broad for many people to understand. We, as flawed human beings, sometimes try to limit what love is and I believe that is why we search outside the scope of love for motivation to our methods.

When I am put in a position to make a choice on difficult issues, I will try to choose the side of Love. If the results are that I don't get a logo for my cause, or I don't ever get the "official" support from a church, temple or synagogue, and I don't ever fly first class, trust me, I'm fine with it. Love is what I believe in. And all the other stuff that I don't understand, I inspect and still find that "I don't know" is not a bad answer. At least it's the truth.

This is who I am and who I mean to be.

Penny René

"For in the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught." - Baba Dioum