Lying on my tongue was the insanity of it all. I wanted to come home. But I grew up in Oklahoma where everyone who works receives payment in full.

His eyes exposed him. Anger, sadness, and determination with a glance of hope now and then. Barely there cynicism, but miraculously, he still believed in God.

I concentrated on my appearance of unbiased resolve.

This had always been, since the sun had first arrived over the mountains. And nothing, not even the marching of American soldiers, would uncover the lost words between us.

Let not the past cover the present.
Let not the present cover the future.

I wanted to lean over the table and breathe life into him. I wanted to give him answers.

The waiter brought another Dutch beer; his cell phone rang and he silenced it with a shrug. He smiled. In our silence, so much was fragile, too fragile to interrupt.

Nations are resurrected by men like him, I thought.

The smoke from his cigarette stung my eyes. At the next table, four men, obviously regulars were putting down shots. Their voices were the deep, unsettling sounds of a bow being drawn across the strings of an upright bass. Our candle flickered.

This is how my eight to five career lost its’ small appeal. This is why I watch CNN with the sound turned down.

When the ashtray is full and my body feels not quite my own, he reaches across the table and covers my hand. An urgency reflects in his pupils, making me slightly afraid.

“You are one of my favorite people.” He says.

“Yes. And you are mine.”

I collect my regrets and bring them here as a sacrifice to suffocate in the smoke. I lay them down with the threat of a stolen passport. His eyes softly fill the space where doctors and dates cannot go.

The street is mostly quiet now, save the nervous barking of stray dogs and the rumbling of lonely taxis. We walk without speaking. I am small with his hand around mine.

When I board the plane tomorrow, I will be an adult again with an electronic schedule and programmed with feelings.

This is why my luggage is sturdy. And this is why I will return.

God lives also in the corner of Europe. And there, He is not silent.