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Neil Forester - The ThinkPad Treasure
29 · Jan · 2001
With only the blurry light of the Thinkpad, I search. An after hours voyager exploring the World Wide Web! (Insert Star Trek music)
I love words. So to be able to type in a word at random and see what comes up on my screen – it’s the closest thing to gambling as I get. And from what I’ve heard from Vegas fans, the anticipation of winning is similar. I pick a word I love – milk, kindred, mocha, survile. Then I go for it “www.kookoo.com” , I close my eyes and hit the Enter key. …. One eye open…. is it a hit or a miss? (Warning: sometimes I hit a nasty little site, right between the eyes. And that’s hard to explain to the boys in the tech department) But sometimes…
Eureka, my darling! I have discovered something - a treasure, once on display for all the world to see, now hidden in the secret hallways of cyberspace.
{I have a few guilty pleasures as far as TV goes – One is Will and Grace. The other is MTV’s The Real World. Now, I don’t have cable, silly. I wouldn’t think of paying for it. (Well, I think of it all the time, but decide against it) But when I happen to be at a location where MTV is available, I’m all about The Real World.}
So, the other night when I came upon www.waterfoul.co.uk, I was delighted to learn what Neil is doing after his days on the Real World – London. You remember Neil. He was the Brit with a flair for heavy music who was involved in an unusual accident which resulted in the death of a portion of his tongue. Today, Neil, though suffering from partial loss of feeling in his tongue, is a thriving artist. You see, dropping out of Oxford wasn’t a horrible mistake after all. His band Unliever is doing well, along with his many other projects which you can investigate on his web site. This man’s words remind me of a time when I didn’t care who was on this list. I was so impressed with Neil’s work, that I wanted to share some of it with you.
there's a certain something
i find it difficult
to grasp
an understanding
of what it is that lasts
beyond this moment
here without you
means more than any time within you
an echo of what might have been
much more much more than all we've seen
i catch your gaze
and hold it
five lines of words
exploded
sorry, for a minute there, i lost myself.
a slight twinge in my left prefrontal cortex, a dull throb at my temples,
contemplating decay.
it's interesting getting older.
there's a haze of drizzle outside, i'm in the blackest of black velvet
shirts and wondering where to go next.
i think i'll go and buy some more sunglasses.
hey you're that guy!?
sure you are
i've seen you
that guy on tv
cool
how's your tongue?
excellent
that guy, do you know him?
is he really?
i thought so.
nice meeting you.
bye.
(wanker)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
All above compilation of words written by Neil Forrester.
Now here’s a little slice of me:
mood ring
yes
blue means calm
sometimes it’s purple
or green
i don’t know
(complementary laugh)
what do you think it means?
(nod three times)
interesting
just working
i ... write
stuff
whatever
really?
i don’t know
(token smile)
gripes, hopes, smack – you
(nod once)
huh
yeah, good luck with that
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
sighi rapid
the train station was bored
but not for long
here comes Nay Nay with her heart undone
standing on the platform,
me with my history,
blondie with his ticket
you with that look
a Decision had to be made
be careful what you ask for
- or at least what you offer when a train is about to leave
(write that down)
it all happened so fast
off to Paris and all that
quick wit and a brave (or irrational) new cast
go a lot further than a country mile
me with the eyes
you with my admiration
blondie still on the platform
Guts and Glory!
it’s okay to be left holding the bag
as long as you’re the one on the train
(make a note)
Posted by Penny Rene at 05:00 PM
Miss President
19 · Jan · 2001
I once wanted to be President of the United States. Its true - just ask my best friend Stephanie Butterfield or Cleo Phillips, my 7th grade US Civics teacher.
Big plans to change the world! BIG plans. I figured I'd go to the University of Oklahoma, pledge some over-rated sorority, graduate, go on to law school, open a private practice in criminal law, and run for a seat on the Oklahoma City Council. I didn’t think it'd be so hard, you know. Talk a good talk, live clean; serve up Truth, Justice and the American Way on a silver platter. I wanted to give the country something to believe in, something to smile about.
The year was 1983. Ronald Reagan was in the White House and people were talking about nuclear war like it was a scheduled event that we must attend. My family was still living in suburbia. Everyone around us appeared to be cracking up, but I still went to bed every night feeling pretty lucky that everybody in our house still had the same last name. That was the last year of the Grand Illusion.
The following year I got a D in Pre-Algebra, my parents split up and my 17-year-old brother married his pregnant girlfriend. Can you flunk out of math and still get elected President? I wasn’t sure, but it definitely made me consider some alternative career paths. The next thing I knew I had my radio tuned to "American Top 40" with Casey Kasem every weekend, trying to figure out the easiest way to go on tour with a rock band. My friend Yuki Bisby was giving me her leftover Rolling Stone magazines so I cut out a picture of Sting and taped it on my closet door. He and Bob Geldof were my new role models.
There may not seem to be a correlation between President of the USA and the Robin Hood rebellion of Sting. But think again. All I ever wanted to do was serve.
When I realised that I wasn’t exactly the best student in high school, (whether it was boredom or lack of intelligence we’ll never know) I looked for something I was good at - something that did speak to me. I was drawn to the certain bands because of their popularity, yes. But I kept listening because some of those lyrics were packed full of wisdom and encouragement. Not to mention that compassion was slowly becoming the new form of rebellion for many artists.
You may remember that in 1985 Bob Geldof, former lead singer of the UK band the Boomtown Rats, hosted the largest benefit rock show in history, Live Aide. His organisation, USA for Africa raised eyebrows and awareness of our starving friends over the sea. So appreciated was his work that he was knighted by the Queen of England. And Sting, former teacher and frontman of the Police, branched out as well. Over the years, he has become known as one of the music business most visible human rights activists. He was recently honored by the Chilean government for speaking out for the victims of Gen. Augusto Pinochet's 1973-1990 dictatorship. This was the inspiration behind his song "They Dance Alone".
Good things are accomplished in many ways. You might think you are going to raise your child to be a Senator or the next Paul McCartney, but I suspect the only real influence we have on children is the values they see in us - what we do in our daily lives.
My father served in the US Air Force throughout my childhood and my full time, working mother volunteered in community programs as well. They sent a clear message to my brother, sister and I that we are all quite capable of lending a hand and that lending a hand is a Great Thing.
Many of you spend a great deal of time and energy in service. Whether you are running in that charity marathon, sending encouraging letters to a wayward artist, speaking at local middle schools, or living every day in Foreign Service - on behalf of the recipients of your generosity, Thank You.
I still think love is the answer to everything. There’s a whole lot of love inside me where a lot of law and political correctness used to be.
If you have thought of doing some volunteer work, but haven’t because you don’t feel you have the time, let me take this opportunity to remind you - You will have even less time next year. And if you have an idea to fill a need in your community, country, or world, but can’t seem to find the group who’s doing it - May I suggest you consider a new title for yourself this year - "Founder of (insert charitable organisation here)"
Why not? You’re perfectly capable of Great Things.
Penny Rene
Posted by Penny Rene at 05:06 PM
The Journey
9 · Jan · 2001
I have this picture of myself that sits on a coffee table in my living room. It’s a studio photo of my dear friend, Stephanie and me. We are about 19 years old, long curly hair framing our faces. My skin is smooth like porcelain – healthy glow to go with my peach button down shirt. (Yes, I used to wear cheerful coulours) I look at this picture and I think, “Who is this girl?” So fresh and unharmed! What happened to her?
There has been no loss of memory here. I know the events that took place in my life over the past 10 years. And Steph is still around, more like a sister now than a friend. But that other girl in the photo; she died a long time ago.
I say this because perhaps, you too, had an experience when one door, the door that you went in and out of all the time, that door slammed shut forever. And no matter what you do, it can’t be opened again. Maybe you made a decision that turned your life in another direction; maybe you walked away from an opportunity. Maybe you got a serious phone call. Maybe someone who you thought would sustain you died or simply went away. The door slammed with a bang. And you are left alone, wondering, asking what to do or where to go next.
This is not an easy place to be. Some people call it “limbo”. Dr Suess refers to it as The Waiting Place. Once you’re there, it hardly matters how you got there. What matters is how do you get out? I don’t think songs, movies, playwrights or philosophers offer much of a solution here. The fact is, we’re all at a loss for words when the wounded ask, “How do I stop feeling this way?”
I asked myself that question a lot over the past 2 years. I asked other people too: friends, ministers, and counselors. Nobody really knew. But looking back now, I may have been asking the wrong question. I know how to get out of bed in the morning. I know how to participate. Heck, we’re all pretty good at hiding our emotions by the time we hit grammar school. So maybe what I really wanted to know was why? Why go forward when I feel I may have lost all that made me happy?
I know what you’re thinking. There are a few cliché answers here. Family… Friends. Surely that is enough. But my parents are not here every day and any child with enough guilt will tell you mom and dad might’ve been able to retire early if it wasn’t for the grief we give them. And my friends are experts at “moving on”. They’d survive without me. Though it sounds noble, I don’t live and breathe for the happiness of those I love. And even if I’m just afraid of wounding them, these are really just reasons for not committing suicide. These aren’t reasons to LIVE.
What does get me up in the morning? What makes me “hang in there”? Well….
I love the journey.
I have always believed the scientific theory that for every action, thee is an equal and opposite reaction. Waiting just around the bend is another surprise. Life is never sorrow without joy. If you are wounded, ready to give up; stick around, kid. Things are about to change. This is a guarantee.
Until you embrace the failure as much as the success, you will have trouble living.
I used to scoff when I read of Saint Paul rejoicing in his sufferings. What an idiot! But now I realise he might not have been dancing in jail cell. But maybe he had comfy peace about him that came from knowing that the good part was yet to happen.
Believe it or not, sometimes, in the middle of my teary eyed fits I throw, (And yeah, I still do that) I sometimes make a little nod to God and thank him for this great chance to build character. (I’ve had a lot of practice so I also wonder if he is grooming me to lead a nation or parent the first leader of the United Earth. heh hehe.)
My journey is bittersweet. I’ve taken some knocks, met some real creeps and cheated a few fellow travelers. For my mistakes, I’ve paid dearly, but I’ve learned. Finally, I’m starting to like it.
I look at the 19-year-old in my photo and I’m sorry I do not have her ideas anymore. But I am no less proud of who is here now – this woman that I’ve become. How I have wanted to throw in the towel many times! But I feel the winds of change and I figure another adventure waits behind the next door.
I encourage you to examine where you are on your journey. Is it time to open a door?
“But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
Though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
Though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
A frightening creek,
Though your arms may get sore
And your sneakers may leak.
On you will hike.
And I know you’ll hike far
And face up to your problems
Whatever they are.”
-from Oh the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Suess – a book about the journey
Posted by Penny Rene at 05:09 PM
9 · Jan · 2001
"As for the rest of us, we carried away our sins, and made our way back to wherever it was that we called home to pick up the pieces of whatever was waiting.
Of course you can never forget what you've done, but we adapt, we carry on.
And me, I still believe in paradise, but now I know at least it's not some place you can look for. Because, it's not where you go, it's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something.
And if you find that moment, it lasts forever."
Thank you for reading about my experience. - PR
Posted by Penny Rene at 12:50 PM