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The Way of Maybe

27 · Mar · 2002

"We attract hearts by the qualities we display; we retain them by the qualities we possess."
-- Jean Baptiste Antoine Suard, French journalist (1734-1817)

I don't know when I wrote the following song. I'm not even quite sure who I wrote it about. That can happen when you write as much as I do. The interesting thing to me is that it could have been anybody.
The quality of my dating life is ... not something that is up for debate. If I have learned anything over the past 3 years it is that a deal is not a deal until each person has discovered every reason to walk out and still decides to stay - that the good outweighs the bad and the head is working as well as the heart.

I have decided, with some prodding from a good friend, that the next person I date, I will put off any proclamation of love for at least six months. This isn't because I think six months is the magical time needed to pass before love can develop. But rather, it's because I don't often have relationships longer than 4 months, for one. (c: And two, though I believe it's possible to love someone and still make the logical decision not to marry for love only; most people think love is quite enough. So I don't want to send the wrong messages.

Any of you unsatisfied single readers out there, I urge you to try a new approach in your next relationship. Think of it as your multimillion dollar investment merger. Make no promises without reading the fine print. Research your potential partner and steer clear of any signs of instability. That is my experienced advice. I, at least, have that to stand on. (:

maybe
i had my coffee this morning
so i might live
so i might live another day
i packed a lunch full of poetry
for the time that that i will waste
waste away
cause last night when you said that i am the moon
i knew

that no matter what you say it all means maybe
and even if you’re saying yes i know it’s crazy
when the last shoe drops i’ll think about believing
until then maybe you are leaving

on the tv it looks so good
to be in love
to be in love with a script
when the season ends we’re put on hold
so i won’t cut my hair if you won’t
if you won’t go
when you asked who really cares i thought
i do

cause no matter what you say it all means maybe
and even if you’re saying yes i know it’s crazy
when the last shoe drops i’ll think about believing
until then maybe you’ll be leaving

penny rene’

Posted by Penny Rene at 04:28 PM

Love in Between

21 · Mar · 2002

"Everybody forgets the basic thing; people are not going to love you unless you love them." - Pat Carroll

_______________________________________

2 years ago I wrote a song called "In Between" about some tour musicians in Nashville who at times are considered saints and other days are treated as lepers and how I can relate to having a life that fluctuates between these extremes.

"Some are mean, some are clean.
I am one of those who falls somewhere in between."

If you look closely at my "Christian" beliefs, you will see large tears in this blanket of Sunday School lessons, and college papers and personal research. There are "facts" passed on to me from pastors, activists, and family that I have taken a match to and burnt out of the fabric that is draped around my shoulders. In these days when many people are either clinging to a faith that was given to them or searching for a new cause or belief system that will sustain them, I am finding that, though my purpose for my life is quite clear to me, it is not compatible to any particular group.

You see, because I believe I am called by God to open communication between people of all cultures, races, religions and nations, most traditional Christians think I am a Christian called to evangelise the "lost" by becoming a foreign missionary. And because I am an arts advocate and equal human rights activist (read: race, religion, sexual orientation), many other liberal people assume I am ready to march the streets of DC and overthrow our "evil" conservative government.

The end result is that not one "side" of any controversial group can take me in and feel confident that I will make the same observations and decisions that others belonging to such a group would. And, not only that, I cannot in good faith, pledge to support just one religion, or cause.

I am somewhere in between.
Or, if you ask extremists from either spectrum, they will say I am "on the fence" doing no one any good.

I have received many e-mails over the years from readers who assume I believe as they do. And I have been uncomfortable about my bland responses. I am not looking for month long debates and I don't believe it's in anyone's best interest to tell another that his/her values are not valid. To be quite honest, if I were grilled on why I believe the things I do, my most common answer would be "Because I think that's what love is." And my second favourite answer would be "I don't know."

Do I owe anyone an explanation for why I worship God? Should I feel obliged to explain why I will not tolerate modern discrimination against gays, religion, women, and new Americans? Is it my duty to tell anyone my theory on how to better the American government? Should it really matter to you if I own a handgun? Some of you will say Yes and some say No. Me, I don't really know.

Let me tell you what I do support and will adamantly defend all the days ahead.
Love. Acts of love.

Maybe that is too broad for many people to understand. We, as flawed human beings, sometimes try to limit what love is and I believe that is why we search outside the scope of love for motivation to our methods.

When I am put in a position to make a choice on difficult issues, I will try to choose the side of Love. If the results are that I don't get a logo for my cause, or I don't ever get the "official" support from a church, temple or synagogue, and I don't ever fly first class, trust me, I'm fine with it. Love is what I believe in. And all the other stuff that I don't understand, I inspect and still find that "I don't know" is not a bad answer. At least it's the truth.

This is who I am and who I mean to be.

Penny René

"For in the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught." - Baba Dioum

Posted by Penny Rene at 04:45 PM