At this point you may be wondering what was so bad. That's the worst part of all. I don't know exactly. It too often takes me a long time to figure out what's bothering me. I am usually the last to know how deeply I feel about some things. I just react and react until one day I find myself weeping over my keyboard, having just realised the same thing I "realised" this time last year: I can't please everyone.

Try as I might, I will not be liberal enough for my artist friends, or I will not be holy enough for my minister friends. Or I will not be laid back enough for the jokesters. There was even one reader who said I was not serious enough. This can lead a person to believe that whatever he/she does it will not be enough. Talk about killing a creative vibe.
90% of my memos are ditched halfway through when I picture the unhappy look on whatever milk friend of mine has decided to take me up as their personal cause. I know I shouldn't care what most people think, and I don't. But this milk memo list is not "most " people. Many on this list are my FRIENDS - not to mention FAMILY.

So, what to do? I can either stop milk altogether or I can write what I am feeling / experiencing and open the exit door for about half my readers to be removed from my mailing list. Maybe then I will really know what it is like to be a writer, to understand the term "freedom of speech". And I will have to hope that just because someone doesn't agree with my opinion doesn't mean they don't like me. Or - if it does, then I will have to remind myself that I was never in this for a fan club. It's not my calling in life to make more friends; it's my calling to make people stop shrugging their shoulders and think.

My New Years resolution for 2002 is to be myself. I'm not ashamed of who I am. Milk has taken on a different purpose from what it was in memo #1. I have decided to follow my heart and I respect the fact that some of you will too- even if it takes us separate ways.

As I have mentioned before, milk memo will soon e a web site. At that point, even if you have chosen to be dropped from the regular mailing list, I will send you an announcement. That way, if you get the itch to say hello or check up on the condition of my soul or whatever, you can stop by anytime.

As milk takes this turn, I want to again thank all of you who have remained on the list this far. I love to write to you and it has been an honour to be invited to your cubicles, dens, offices and dining table laptops.

Until the next memo, keep dancing-

Penny Rene'
Nashville, TN