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Be A Hypocrite

3 · Jun · 2000

BE A HYPOCRITE, THEN YOU WILL FINALLY HATE THE WEIGHT OF YOUR SELFISHNESS. YOU WILL COME EXTREME TO GOD AND GOD CAN USE YOU IN THE END.

I wish that it were that simple and that you and everyone could just "see" the truth and live it. But, it doesn't work that way. You have to hate your life so much that suicide is a good option, but GOD is a better one. And you need to meet GOD at this beginning level. Not some "church" pizza party where everyone puts on the face and is "happy". I will pull my pants down and scream Arkansas if I ever find myself in that kind of petri dish of southern jesus. – Kyle Jones, Clarksville, TN

I am easily distracted. This is a flaw that has been with me since birth and is eagerly catered to by nearly every person I meet and every mini empire with a power hungry CEO. Sometimes I completely forget the things that bring me joy.

This seems to be a common problem, really. I am not alone. It is such a waste to complain about being "unsatisfied" with the normality of a life when that is what we are taught to achieve. But it’s true. Being normal is no fun because it requires that we abide by some set of rules that are never clear and have no depth. The American Dream… for example. I have had it, I believe. Woke up oneday and was living it. But it’s not a dream, it’s a nightmare. To look in the mirror and see that the person looking back is no one that you want to have dinner with is a terrible feeling. At the same time, it is wonderful, because then you can begin to tear that person apart and reveal someone so much more interesting that has been suffocating underneath. This has happened to me.

I work to not become apathetic and normal like it is my full time job. Every day, I peel away a thin layer of the selfishness that relentlessly tries to cover up the sweeter parts of me like skin on warm milk. Last week I almost bought a new/used car. Can you believe that? I don’t need a new car, but I just wanted to look smarter driving down 44o during rush hour, I guess. What’s with that? Do I need a newer car to make me feel better? I hope not, because I am not buying one. In fact, I'm not buying into this whole culture that tells me how much money to make, where to spend my money and what I would enjoy doing on my vacation. But some days I wake up and I can hardly breathe. Those are the days when I am letting someone else make my decisions for me. I am far too concerned about being accepted and not concerned enough with my own happiness. Perhaps I am conditioned so that I don’t always know the difference.

As I said, there are scores of people who feel this way. But so few people open their mouths and scream about it when they have every right to be heard. This week, just in case you have begun to bore yourself as I have, I give you this perspective on the false promises of a normal life that I hope will make you angry or at least make you take a deep cleansing breath.


On A Dime
I am tired of trying to decide who won’t like my tattoo
I don’t want to be convincing you I have better things to do
If it’s good for me then it’s not good enough for you
I am fine if I am writing my worries through

I have decided to sell some things around the house
My way to settle down is to let it all go
I don’t feel like I am better for abiding by my rules
Maybe I was fine with the simple things I don’t know

I have faked it for a really long time
I fell a lot but no one says I don’t try
I pick myself up and I turn on a dime
But now I’m wondering why

I see my hard work going down the drain
And I want to laugh cause it feels so good
It all can change, baby, just like that
I think we always knew that it would

All the careful dreams never filled us up
So I think I’m gonna wing it and let the leaves fall
They said the truth could kill me but it’s makin me whole
And I don’t think I’m so bad after all

I have faked it for a really long time
I fell a lot but no one can say I don’t try
I pick myself up and I turn on a dime
But now I’m wondering why

penny rené

Posted by Penny Rene at June 3, 2000 02:20 PM

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