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Pack Up the Moon

24 · Feb · 2000

My roommate and I are preparing to move out of my house on 19th Street to temporary quarters for our last month in Oklahoma. In 28 years, I've moved approximately 20 times in my life. The last few moves, as well as this time, it's been my choice to leave. You would think it gets easier.

But I'm not a person with a hard heart. I'm a person who believes that real friends do last forever, even if the frequency of contact changes. And I believe that one must hunt their dreams down with all the vigor of a piranha.

As Laurie and I were packing one night this week, I had one of those moments where I began remembering all the good times in my house. While pushing back tears I told her that this was going to be really hard to leave. She said "We're facing our demons here." I said, "Well, I need a bigger sword."

Complaint

Here's my 23rd address change
Pack up the moon I'm starting over
Yeah I've been here before
Leaving comes too soon
And always makes me sober
I know what you are thinking
"It's got to have an effect on a child"
Put your finger on the word
"Is it worse than neglect?
Is she wild?"

I'm hearin' your complaint
(lay it down on the table)
I see your opinion
(point a finger if you're able)
I never said I was a saint
(see the map on my face)
But I'm not chasin' fairytales
(and I won't wear that label)

If you never understood broken dreams
or Rocketman
you don't get me
I walk this line because I can
because I'm free
Running isn't running
if you've got somewhere to go
and a plan
Nashville is Music City
It's not Vegas or LA with a tan.

penny rene'

Posted by Penny Rene at 04:05 PM | TrackBack

In Between

16 · Feb · 2000

I was in Nashville over the weekend. Found a place to live. (I think) Still working on that career, though. While I was there, I spent time with some old friends and made some new ones. This week's memo was inspired by three of them.
(Names have been changed to protect the guilty)

I'm sure some of you are familiar with: "Why do we tease? Because we love." To get in the mood of this one, slide down in your chair a bit and think BBKing. (good luck)

In Between

From a previous relationship
Bone has got a hang up with the beer
Unless he makes a fire with the harmful things he desires
his child mocha maiden won't come near
Aww, he's not bad, he's got spirit
Aint it sad she won't hear it

Some are mean
Some are clean
I love all of those who fall somewhere in between
I've got a right to this confession before I die

Billy is found guilty
of being young and having lovely lips
So he's got a thing for leather
Needs rockin' like a baby, but I'd never
They say he breaks a heart with just a kiss

Oh, he's not bad; it's all charm
Don't be sad, he means no harm
Some are mean
Some are clean
I love all of those who fall somewhere in between
Listen to me tell you why

Early on Robert knew
he had a way with a stylish beat
They say never marry a dancer
and the smokes are givin him cancer
but I'd dance with him any day of the week
No, he aint bad, he's got soul
How's it feel, you want to know

Some are mean
Some are clean
I am one of those who fall somewhere in between
I'm sorry, I can't lie

Penny Rene'

Posted by Penny Rene at 10:17 PM

More

9 · Feb · 2000

On Valentines Day, people don't just want to know that they are a friend or a lover. They want to know that they are.... more.

More

Some times you are so beautiful
and there is nothing I can do
to make you less
to make you what I believe you should be-less

I dangle words over you
and bind my hands from sending real letters
that might matter

I fear one day I might believe you
and there will be nothing I can do
to give you more
to give you what I have already given-more

you leak silence like blood
and harbor confessional newsletters
that won't matter

Today you are so beautiful
nothing you can do
will make you less
will make you what you have never been-less

penny rene'

Posted by Penny Rene at 10:15 PM

Enough Rocks

2 · Feb · 2000

I didn't know what to send this week. I looked through my files again and again only to conclude that sometimes I cannot put together a formation of words that feel right. It reminds me of a scene from Forrest Gump when Jenny revisited her childhood home. Do you remember? She threw rocks at the old house, knocking out windows in a fit of anger until, finally, exhausted, she fell to the dirt, crying. Forrest said "Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks."

When I get like this it is often the result of feeling as though I am very far from home and slightly off course from the path that leads back. As I make my way, I want to see ahead of me so I might plan carefully and I want to go back to fix mistakes. But neither is possible and I become so angry. So, I hope you forgive me as submit someone else's voice in place of my own this time. If you feel a twinge of recognition, I encourage you make effort to locate some of Enya's songs and enjoy them over a cup of coffee this weekend.

Anywhere Is
written by Roma Ryan

I walk the maze of moments
but everywhere I turn to
begins a new beginning
but never finds a finish
I walk to the horizon
and there I find another
it all seems so surprising
and then I find that I know

Chorus:
You go there you're gone forever
I go there I'll lose my way
if we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is

The moon upon the ocean
is swept around in motion
but without ever knowing
the reason for its flowing
in motion on the ocean
the moon still keeps on moving
the waves still keep on waving
and I still keep on going

You go there you're gone forever
I go there I'll lose my way
if we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is

I wonder if the stars sign
the life that is to be mine
and would they let their light shine
enough for me to follow
I look up to the heavens
but night has clouded over
no spark of constellation
no Vela no Orion
The shells upon the warm sands
have taken from their own lands
the echo of their story
but all I hear are low sounds
as pillow words are weaving
and willow waves are leaving
but should I be believing
that I am only dreaming

Chorus
To leave the thread of all time
and let it make a dark line
in hopes that I can still find
the way back to the moment
I took the turn and turned to
begin a new beginning
still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It's either this or that way
it's one way or the other
it should be one direction
it could be on reflection
the turn I have just taken
the turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end.

****************************************

"People have no idea how dangerous it is to face reality over hot coffee."

Penny Rene' - Journal quote from 2/9/98.

Posted by Penny Rene at 10:12 PM